Dear Cyril

 

Dear Cyril,

I think Rugby is silly game & I wish my boyfriend would stop playing.

Yours not in Rugby,

Non Believer

Dear Non Believer,

Perhaps you need to either embrace all that is good or perhaps find another boyfriend. If you chose to embrace (which I cannot understand why you would not) then all will be good and I am sure you are in for a long and fullfilling relationship and you will regret ever writing this letter.

If you chose to change boyfriends I am sure that you will also regret what you have lost.

Cyril

 

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Dear Cyril,

I have been married for several years now & am finding things are getting dull in the bedroom can you help?

Yours in Rugby,

Snake with no Bite

Dear Snake with no Bite,

Well son this is often the case as time goes on in a marriage however don't despair I have the perfect solution. It's called the guess who game. As a more senior player (I'm assuming this by your marital status) you wouldn't be expected to provide all your own stuff in the change room, soap etc, so after your shower ask for someone's deodorant (here's a hint if showering & using deodorant is a surprise it's no wonder you have trouble) & each week look to get someone's different. Then when entering the boudoir in the dark your wife can play guess who's coming to bed tonight. See how this goes for spicing things up.

Cyril

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Dear Cyril,

I am a back in my team and the forwards will not talk to me or give me the ball during the game. I always take pride in my appearance on and off the field to try look my best for the team. I also bring my girlfriend to all games and functions to share time with her.My other backs teamates have a similar problem.

I am at my wits end how to fit in.

Product man.

Dear Product man

Once again I wondered how long it would be before I received one of these letters. My advice to you is leave the comb in the dressing room for a start, it is very hard to catch a pass if you are combing your hair during a game. Secondly leave the smelly stuff for after the game not before(if at all). It may also help if occasionaly you finish a play with something else other then a scrum. After matches ensure also that the forwards have the majority of the beer and refrain form claiming credit for every try scored (even if you did). You could also try and drink more beer instead of UDL's and other drinks that have fruit in them, this can be seen by the forwards as perhaps a little weak. Also definatley do not bring any 'Product' into the dressing room and it is most surely OK to not shave before a game.

Give these few tips a go and get back to me if you need further advice.

PS keep bringing your girlfriend though as this will definatley help win the forwards over.

Cyril