Cyril's Advice!

" Dear Cyril

I wish to seek your advice on a problem that has plagued me for many years, I cannot find a girlfriend. I play prop for the club and it seems that I always lose the girls to the backs in my team I don't know why this is so. I am not an unattractive man in fact my front row partners tell me I quite handsome and witty character and i should not worry about my lack of having any neck to speak of, as they are just the same. I do consider the scars on my forehead and nose give me a rugged appearance though. It seems that when I am drinking with fellow front row partners and we are trying to engage conversation with the women, we always have space for them at the bar to join us but they tend to cringe when they get close.

What can I do I am desperate, please help me.

Signed

Props need love to.

Dear Props need love to,

Ah how did I know that this may have been one of the early letters. It is an age old problem for people such as yourself, women are very fickle my son and backs, well they are backs and I am sure that the term gin and tonic crew rings in your ears. They are also well known for stealing the ball and women off the forwards after the hard work has been done. But let us concentrate on a few things that may help you become successfull in your quest.

Firstly it may pay to shower after games, I know, I know what you are thinking, that it will slow done your ability to get to the beer first and getting your share, but sacrifices sometimes have to be made (a tip is to slip a couple in your bag early and make sure you take one into the shower with you..a traveller as it were). Whilst in the shower try using the soap thingy as well, you can borrow someone elses if you don't have any. Next don't dry yourself with your used jersey use a towell, again you can borrow one. Lastly try borrowing some deodorant to finish the product. Clean socks and jocks may help also but not neccessary if you follow the last step.

Now you will be ready for the fairer sex, we all know how witty props can be so use this wit in your opening lines, just leave out the ones used on the paddock, it is sometimes hard as they are the best lines I know. Ease into conversation and try not talk yourself up to much, use your mates for this line of attack. Compliment the ladies but don't mention any of their body parts as this can be a little off puting to some. Try not talk to much about the game just played but instead mention that you enjoy a good arthouse movie (as all props do) and the finer things in life this will impress them to no end.

If you follow these steps you may become lucky with the women, however if not just remember that you can always revert back to beers at the bar with your mates and have a huge night and try again next week or the week after............ eventually you will find someone. If you are lucky you may find someone who even likes rugby, but there is always someone out there for everyone.

If not the rest of your team will appreciate the change anyway.

Cyril

Dear Cyril

I am an under 12 player in your club, my problem is that my mum won't let me play or train if I don't finish my home work and my jobs at home. It seems unfair what can I do to?

Signed

It's not fair.

Dear It's not fair

Simple answer DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND YOUR JOBS AT HOME FIRST!

Cyril

If you want any advice send your letters to cyril@cabrugby.org.au